


Speaking The Truth by Vulcan Lover

by KSForever



Category: Star Trek AOS or an AU
Genre: 1st Chapter is Head-Canon stuff to set story up, Hurt Spock, Hurt/Comfort, Includes a Chapter of Head Canon/Story 'Bible', Kolinahr, M/M, Romance Trope (OPTIONAL): Hurt Kirk, Story Type: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-15
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2018-10-05 20:59:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10316846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KSForever/pseuds/KSForever
Summary: Slightly AU Abramsverse - Jim and Spock brave discussing, only with each other, their love for one another. Spock confides in Jim in many ways - also, about something very important, that Spock Prime made sure to tell him.Now INCLUDES a chapter of 'Head-Canon'/'Bible' for the story...Categories: FictionCharacters: NoneCrossover Fandom: NoneGenres: Kirk/Spock Pre-Slash, Kirk/Spock SlashOther Languages: NoneStory Type: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, RomanceTrope (OPTIONAL): Hurt Kirk, Hurt Spock, KolinahrUniverse: Abrams Universe, AU Alternate UniverseWarnings: NoneSeries: NoneChapters: 2 Table of ContentsCompleted: Yes Word count: 3518 Read Count: 506





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The First Chapter is Head-Canon for the Story (in Chapter 2)

Head-Canon for “Speaking The Truth/Series ‘Bible’ for this AU Abramsverse/Story in an AU Abramsverse:

 

> Jim Kirk’s father did not die when Nero burst into this Universe. The ship’s Captain went down with his ship, AFTER his crew managed to beam him back from Nero’s ship.  
> During the evacuation of the ship on which George and Winona Kirk served (The Kelvin), Winona received injuries, which she delayed treatment for, to deliver James T. Kirk safely, and, as a result, she was left unable to walk unaided.  
> The Kirk family, with the exception of George Samuel, who was away at Earth’s equivalent of the Vulcan Science Academy, were on Tarsus IV. Winona Kirk was, again, pregnant, with Jim and George’s little sister. When the famine happened, George pretty much starved himself, in order that Winona and the baby she was carrying, and Jim, had sustenance -but, after the baby girl was born, Winona, weakened by lack of food, and giving all she could find to the baby, became very ill, and died. Soon after, George, Jim, and the baby girl, Maria-Winona Lauren (Her mother named her Maria-Lauren, but, after Winona died, George added her name to their baby daughter’s; making her Maria-Winona Lauren) escaped from Tarsus, with six other survivors – Kevin Riley, who would later become part of Enterprise’s crew, was one of those other six.  
> George, Jim, and Maria-Winona, went back to Iowa, to live with George’s family- because George had put his body under immense strain back on Tarsus IV, in later life, he developed a heart condition, which killed him, when Jim was nineteen, Maria was three, and their elder brother, George-Samuel, was twenty-three. At this time, George-Samuel had been married for two years already to Aurelan, and they had eighteen month old twin sons – Samuel George and Tiberius James. So, Maria-Winona went to live with them. Jim carries with him great guilt about the rift he caused between his Dad, George, and his Dad’s brother, Greg, when he was eighteen – and punched his uncle, after years of putting up with Greg Kirk’s non-stop taunting of his nephew for being gay (Bisexual). Greg was just jealous of Jim’s attitude toward his sexuality, because Greg, who’d tried to keep his own homosexuality, secret for years, was rather ‘stuck in the dark ages’ with regards to his attitude toward his own sexuality; Greg felt that his family were only being so supportive of Jim, because Jim was the ‘golden one’, the family’s favourite son, and it was okay for the young men and women of the ‘new generation’ to be gay. Yet, for some reason, he felt that, for himself, it would be terrible to face coming out. So, after the fight, which Jim admits he ‘started’, Greg went away, and, with his parents help and insistence, sought and received Counselling for his anger issues, jealousy, and inability to accept his own homosexuality. Years later, he came back to the farm, bringing with him his new partner, Hugh, and he apologised to his family, Jim especially. Jim accepted the apology because he never felt threatened by his uncle in the abusive, sexual sense – only taunted, and teased, and not accepted. Jim felt that this was something which he should be able to forgive, and he desperately wanted to heal his family – So, he forgave Greg, as did George, who had, when Jim received a beating at the hands of his uncle, fuelled by his protective instincts, adrenaline, and a certain amount of personal grief, given his prize fighting brother Greg, enough of a beating to knock him down. Though everyone made an effort to forgive each other, Jim still feels guilty about the whole thing, because 1.) his dad fought his own brother to protect Jim – and Jim’s Dad was not a healthy man – and 2.) The rift, which had been bubbling for a few years even before the fight, because of Greg’s attitude problem toward Jim, never quite fully healed between George and Greg.  
> George-Samuel, his wife, Aurelan, and the children, including G.S’s baby sister, Maria W, and George and Aurelan’s youngest son, Peter, lived on Deneva, an Earth Colony – because of the Biology Research Centre there, where George-Samuel worked. However, when the vessel the Ingraham B, arrived on Deneva, carrying a crew infected by neural parasites, which subsequently, infected the people of Deneva, George jnr and his family were away – combining a holiday with a conference George and his colleagues had to attend, on Casperia II. Upon returning to Deneva, in their privately owned shuttlecraft, the families from Deneva’s Research Station, who had attended the conference on another planet, had barely got down the landing strip in their shuttlecraft, before realising something was terribly wrong with their home-world. So, they flew off again almost immediately, and intercepted Enterprise’s course to Deneva, which the ship and its crew were destined to visit. Once there, George and his colleagues, they and their families safe, worked from Enterprise to save the people of Deneva. During this work, Spock, was temporarily blinded by some of the experiments he helped to mastermind, in order to save as many Denevans as possible.  
> Spock’s home planet was destroyed, into non-existence, by Nero. During the attempt to evacuate as many Vulcans as possible from their crumbling home-world, Spock’s half brother, Sybok (who was training to be a Healer), and Sybok’s mother, Sarek’s first wife, from his failed arranged marriage of years beforehand, died. Sybok’s mother had been one of the Priestesses on Mount Soleya, who divorced Sarek in order to become a Priestess. She was killed outright when her home on Mount Soleya, fell, taking the lives of her, and some of the other Clerics.   
> Sarek and Amanda were rescued, as was their adopted daughter, Saavik, whose biological parents were already deceased at the time of Vulcan’s annihilation – because they had, years ago, been sent into a warzone, to try and negotiate a peace between the warring factions of Gantua – but the separatist faction planted a bomb at the place on their planet where the peace-talks were held, killing Saavik’s parents. Subsequently, Saavik was raised by Sarek and Amanda, because they were the closest she had to family – her parents and Sarek and Amanda all being valued colleagues and friends.  
> During the escape from the dying planet, Vulcan, Sarek was struck on the head by falling debris, and has since, as a survivor, had to deal with the after effects of this injury, as well as an already diagnosed heart condition, which, of course, complicates his ill health further. (a heart condition which his counterpart, Spock Prime’s father, also suffered from). The effects of the injury sustained during being rescued from Vulcan’s death throws, is, in itself, a brain injury, which has brought about the possible early onset of Bendii Syndrome. Amanda has given up most of her work as an Earth’s Attach� at the Vulcan Embassy on Earth, to care for Sarek. She took the job shortly after Vulcan’s destruction, because of the help the Vulcans continue to need. Previously, she had been working in Earth’s Embassy on Vulcan, where she had worked from for many years. This was how she had met Sarek, a Diplomat, from a family of Diplomats, much like herself in that respect – and it was where she, Sarek, and Saavik, had been on the day of Vulcan’s Destruction, before being rushed to the protected Catacombs for relative safety, with the rest of the Vulcan High Council members/their families. It was from there that Spock was able to rescue his family, along with his half-brother, Sybok, to whom he had always been quite close – the two brothers had been able to identify with each other because Sybok was not exactly ‘the norm’ for a standard Vulcan male either… He was very Spiritual, as well as quite impulsive, and quite often, around family at least, openly emotional. Sybok had been at the Healer’s Central Clinic, near to the catacombs, but, when rushed there during the onslaught of Vulcan’s destruction – taken to shelter with and by some of his colleagues and fellow trainees, his injuries increased, and, though he was beamed to Enterprise with the rest of the group of survivors whom Jim, Spock, and crew, managed to rescue, he, soon after, died, in Sickbay, amidst the other injured Vulcans. McCoy and his staff did all they could to heal the trainee Healer, Sybok, but, though pulled from the jaws of planet Vulcan’s death, he could not be saved. His father, stepmother, and adopted sister, were with him in his final moments (Sarek was in the Biobed next to his son’s) – but Spock was on the Bridge of Enterprise, with Jim and co, trying to stop Nero from getting away. Spock, albeit quietly, feels largely guilty for not being there early enough to save his brother whilst he was still down on the planet’s surface, and Spock feels just as guilty for also not being at his brother’s Sickbay bedside, at the very end of his (Sybok’s) life.  
> More recently, during the Vulcan People’s recovery, Saavik, who worked with her adoptive father in Diplomatic Matters and Circles, training to be a Diplomat herself, has now taken over quite a lot of her father’s work load, because of his poor health.  
> Spock has not been under pressure to partake in an arranged marriage, because his father said it was not necessary (since, in Sarek’s own life, an arranged marriage failed). When Vulcan was destroyed, there was some concern that Spock would be pressed into an arranged marriage by the High Council, for the sake of the effort to keep Vulcan culture alive; though, it was eventually decided that he would be ‘spared’ from having to agree to an arranged marriage – because of his half human, half Vulcan status – which has meant that he has been diagnosed as sterile – unable to father a child. Instead, it has been agreed that Spock is allowed to choose his own marriage partner, as long as he and his spouse agree to one of several choices of marriage ceremony, considered traditionally Vulcan. He has also given DNA samples to the Fertility Clinics, in case they are able to create a zygote/embryo in this way. If they do, any created will be given to childless couples among the survivor Vulcans, and Spock will also be given the choice of raising one, if s/he can be gestated in a ‘false’ womb.

9th/10th June 2016


	2. Speaking Truth (The Story)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim confides in Spock

Speaking The Truth

“Most of my family were fine with it.” Jim noted. “Well, they all were, except one. One of my uncles was a bit of a Neanderthal about it. The rest of my family just wanted me to be happy, but he would pick on me about it. Snide comments right out of the dark ages. One day, when I was just about eighteen, he was sitting out in the sun after a group of us had just cleared out three of the barns, him included. Anyway, we were all sitting around, drinking water; taking a break – And, he starts on me; saying how he’s surprised I’d worked so hard, that I’d put myself forward for a man’s work at all – it must have been something to do with getting to see all the strapping farm hands with their shirts off – He was saying all this, and he just wouldn’t stop – So, I hit him.” Jim continued explaining. “He was a body builder, a fighter who’d won prizes for that skill. I picked a fight with him, and he beat me good.” Jim paused. “So, my Dad and his other brothers found out, and my Dad really laid into his brother; besting him, despite the fact that my uncle, as I said, had won prizes for Boxing. They told him to get lost – and, he did – for several years. I know that my Grandparents kept in touch with my uncle, and tried to get him help. Their theory was that he had issues with his own sexuality – That he was jealous of me, for being okay about mine; the fact that I’d come out as Bisexual, and told people who asked, that I was sixty-forty percent, and in favour of men. They were right, I suppose, because years later, he came back to the farm, and apologised to me and to the family, and introduced us to his partner, Hugh. Things between my father and his brother were never quite settled though. My Dad was still protective, and I was still wary. I’ve felt guilty ever since, for making things difficult for my Dad with his brother – and, I’m even more annoyed with myself that I let all this, somehow, make me shut up about being attracted to men – because isn’t that like, the equivalent of saying, ‘Dad, you defended me and made your brother estranged from you for absolutely no reason!??” Jim looked to Spock.

“It is important to know the truth about yourself, which you do. You have now admitted to it. So, do try not to be too hard on yourself, Jim.” Spock sat with Jim, and spoke gently. “What your uncle made you put up with, until you lost your temper with him, it affected you. His actions have much to answer for – but you admit those effects on you now – and you will not let those effects have a hold on you any longer, will you? You will now try to be happy to live your life, as other men who have safely come out, for generations now, have lived their lives…” Spock mentioned.

“Yes, I will. You’re right, but does that mean we can be together?” Jim turned to Spock, and asked him directly, as they sat beside each other on the sofa in Jim’s Quarters.

“Recently, I too have been reminded of the importance of being truthful with oneself. The last time I made such an effort to be ‘real’ about such things, is when, after Uhura had made her wish known to me that she and I should try and be in a relationship – I told her I would consider it, and I did, because she helped me greatly at the Academy; she helped me to feel as though I fitted in, which, in turn, helped me to live my life, and do my job, both things, better. She helped me to identify with people. She also provided me with someone on my wavelength to talk to. Uhura was, and is, a very good friend – But she wanted our relationship to be of a romantic nature – and, though I switched her to another Tutor’s Linguistics Course after she had told me as much, because, if I did want to be with her – Then, that was the right thing to do… I decided that I had to be honest with myself, and with her. I don’t feel that way about her. I knew it even then, even though I was tempted because she was good to me, and for me, in many ways; platonic ways.” Spock paused. “Spock Prime was the one who recently reminded me of the value of this kind of honesty with oneself. The last time you and I, and other members of the crew met with him; He and I talked alone, on one occasion, in his guest quarters at Starfleet HQ.”

Jim sat listening intently – just as Spock had sat and listened to him while he talked.

“He spoke to me about himself and Kirk from his Universe.” Spock told Jim. “Spock told me that, twice, he and Jim, let life put up a block to the relationship they wanted to have together; That, the second time, is one of those times that elder Spock now believes he should have been selfish – himself and Jim; they should have let ‘this’ be one of the times that they prioritised each other – and that they should have actually got together, once and for all. Spock said that, as old age comes for him, and ‘tempts his logic away’; his words, not mine – He finds himself often thinking that things could have turned out so differently – That he and Jim might, together, have saved their Universe’s Romulus and Remus – because they were always better together, and did definitely love one another. He discussed, with me, I am privileged to say, their love. He also mentioned, briefly, that if they’d got together, Jim and he, then, even if that still meant Jim was fated to go missing on the Enterprise B, and to die, decades later, helping Captain Picard save a group of planets, and people, much like the Romulans and, subsequently, the Vulcans; then, at least he, Spock, would have been able to make sure he was with Jim throughout. They would not have been parted then, and if they had died together, or Spock had at least been able to be with his Jim as he died, he, Spock, would not, perhaps, have thrown himself in to working with the Romulans – Thus, they might have called on someone else to help them when their sun was going Nova, and that someone else might have been able to save them, and us, from Events that unfolded.” Spock paused. “I do not blame elder Spock as much as he blames himself. I do not really blame him at all. It is not always within one’s power, out here, among the Universes, to make the differences so desperately needed, and called for.”

Jim reached out, and touched Spock’s shoulder quietly.

Spock looked to Jim. “Elder Spock said that he will always recognise that being selfless, and putting others first, is a part of a Starfleet Officer’s life, that it is vital they do not ignore – but he knows the harm that he and Jim did to each other, to themselves, by not letting themselves be together, and he wonders if the worlds would have been better off, too, if he and Jim had been brave enough to begin a ‘romantic’ relationship with each other. Instead, the first time they talked of the subject, Spock went after the achievement of Kolinahr, and Jim married a woman. Kirk and the woman, Lori Ciani divorced quickly, and amicably, each of them realising they really were in love with their own someone else, and Spock broke off Kolinahr, knowing he would never achieve it anyway, because he did not want to give up his feelings for Jim, and could not altogether do so, because they shaped him. When Jim, years later, still sensing what he and Spock had always let come between them; what their allies and enemies, alike, would think, and told Spock that he needed some more time to think – Spock, surprised, because Jim was usually impulsive, gave Jim that time – and, during that time, what happened to his Jim, happened, and elder Spock is now left without his Jim.”

”I know, from when I mind melded with him, that he and Jim loved each other very, very deeply; that that heartache that Spock deals with, is as horrendous as all the other kinds of pain, and reasons for pain, that he tries to keep a lid on. He and Jim, like I said, loved each other immensely.” Jim mentioned.

“Yes.” Spock reached for Jim’s hands, and watched, as he and Jim laced their fingers together. “As, I believe, do we.”

“You’re right, Spock. We do.” Jim looked into his Spock’s eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you, too, Ashaya.” Spock promised Jim, using a Vulcan term of endearment for Jim/in place of his name.

“Does this mean that we’re going to decide to let ourselves start a relationship?” Jim asked.

“Yes, if you agree that we should?” Spock pondered carefully.

“Yes, I do!” Jim smiled. He leaned in, and he and Spock kissed each other, both sharing in the human, and the Vulcan, ways to kiss. Breaking away only to breathe, Jim then thought aloud. “I won’t mention her again, when we get amorous from now on, but do you think Uhura will be upset, and, perhaps, make life difficult for us at all?”

“I do not believe so. She and Chief Engineer Scott have begun a relationship; I’m sure that you recall this?” Spock queried.

Jim nodded.

“They seem to be very happy. I think they are genuinely in love.” Spock commented.

Jim grinned, and ‘pulled’ Spock in for more kissing, “like us…” He ‘whispered’, and placed his lips on Spock’s beautiful face.

“Yes, like us.” Spock agreed, holding Jim so reverently, and kissing him with what Spock realised, were he totally human, he would describe as, ‘with all his heart’.

 

The End..?  
8.6.16


End file.
